Marin Ebel
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missing earring  / Susan Jody Mangue (mother)  Read >>
missing earring  / Susan Jody Mangue (mother)

My missing earring

How often we go to look for a pair of earrings and find only one. Not wanting to discard it yet, because perhaps the other might show up. I find myself doing that this morning. i spread them all on the bed, going through one at a time trying to match them up. There are many without partners. I think of Marin, she gave me many earrings. Once after she received money for a birthday or Christmas, we were in an import store, there were two pairs of earrings she insisted I buy. Some of the last gifts she bought, Mother's Day, a necklace with a turquoise pendant and matching earrings, again i have only have the one. I wore the necklace to the point it broke, found a kind artist friend who made it anew with turquoise beading on either side. I hesitate to wear any of these treasures for fear of losing them. We were a pair, she and I. And I am like the missing earring in the box, solitary, filled with angst and pain. I cannot find her, she is not lost, but lost from my view. I cannot replace her, though there are shiny and beautiful pieces around. A temporary fix. Today, I put a few more stitches around my heart wound, it is gaping again. The corners of my mouth are turned down from the gravity of it all, if tears were blood i would have bled to death. How long will i remain tangled in the box, only God knows. He has the key and is keeping the other earring for Himself.

Marin's coming into world  / Susan Jody Mangue (Mother)  Read >>
Marin's coming into world  / Susan Jody Mangue (Mother)

Marin Nicole Ebel was born on July 29, 1987 at 11:49 pm in Santa Fe, New Mexico. She was born in 45 minutes and weighed 8 lbs 7 oz. She was three weeks late, but when she was ready, she bolted out. She was a peaceful baby, easy to soothe, pleasant, smiling and laughing. She looked like Tweety, Paiolin as they call Tweety here. With big blue eyes. I remember her as being very observant of people. It was pretty uncanny. When she was a toddler, she would get very excited and wave her arms like Tweety. I never saw another child do this. I know her dad, friends and other family will remember this about her.

We lived in New Mexico until she was 4 or 5 mos old and returned to Colorado. But while there, each day walked the reservation land next to the Black Mesa. Marin's brother, Evan, turned three in August. He was not sure what to make of this sis, but i have some wonderful photos of the two of them.

Both Evan and Marin were very wanted and loved children.

my sweet girl  / Susan Jody Mangue (mother)  Read >>
my sweet girl  / Susan Jody Mangue (mother)
I have written about my sweet girl for many years while she was with me and afterward. It has been 4 years and a half since her death. She would be 21 this year, July 29th. I live now in Costa Rica and have since her death. She is with me on this adventure, but having her with me in spirit is not the same. I miss her terribly and look for her in many ways. In the profile of a young girl, in her bright and shining smile, the flipping of her hair, putting on make-up, the sound of a hair dryer, her walk, in the running of an athlete, in her song as she got ready for school, in her funniness, funny faces, jokes, teasing, goofiness. The way she would not want to wear a coat but only a sweatshirt if it were cold, snowing. I look for her everywhere even here , just the hint of her, a guess a mother knows the details of her child. The dimples, moles, freckles on her nose, the way her fingers dangle, her giggle. There were so many ordinary moments in our lives which i took for granted, i never realized i would not have those. I could never have asked for a more wonderful human being to spend those incredible moments with. I love you Marin, always have, always will. I have wanted to honor you and will do until my dying day. I look forward to seeing your sweet face and soul again. Love, Mom Close
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