Today is good Friday and I'm reminded of the darkness and sorrow surrounding the events of the crucifixion. The hurt that Mary must have felt is beyond belief and for all mothers the compassion, mercy, love, hurt and overwhelming grief who have suffered a loss of a child. In Jesus's name, give you strength, protection and guidance through this difficult journey.
The LORD Is My Shepherd A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercyshall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever. My Refuge and My Fortress He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his pinions, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness is a shield and buckler. You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness, nor the destruction that wastes at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. You will only look with your eyes and see the recompense of the wicked. Because you have made the LORD your dwelling place— the Most High, who is my refuge— no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the adder; the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot. “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”
Love never fails / Linda Wilson (no)
With a broken and heavy heart I tell you how much your loss hurts me for you. If you need to scream I am the mountain you can come to. How I pray that God comfort and strengthen you. GIVING THANKS for the lives of your children.....L. Wilson Close
"When I find myself in times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And in my hour of darkness She is standing right in front of me Speaking words of wisdom, let it be. And when the brokenhearted people Living in the world agree, There will be an answer, let it be". Wishing Peace to you and yours ......
My condolences... / Kami Lokey
I remember writing to Evan and having lengthy discussions about how he felt after Marin passed away. Evan loved his family SO much and we often spoke of how different things would be when he got out, how he was going to make his parents proud.... I am saddened by the events that have transpired, but I do know that he has now found peace and is with his beloved sister. RIP to both of them. To the family, my prayers are with you. Close
Be gentle with yourselves! / Jane Walling
I do not know you but I do know that you were wonderful parents to your children. I am sure Evan was devastated by Marin's death in a way we could never imagine. Please do not blame yourselves for the actions of Evan. Being in solitary confinement is so incorrigible! Man's inhumanity to man for sure. Be gentle with yourselves and do not read comments from others that hurt you. They are not in your shoes. Bless you! Close
Sympathy/ Caroline Jenkins (None)
I am so very sorry for all that has happened with your family and I hope it helps you to know that others care. Sometimes there is just no answer as to why. We just have to accept that one day in the hereafter we will understand it all. I will pray for your peace and comfort. Close
Mrs./ Kellie Smith
Dear Marin and Evan's Mom,
I am very sorry for your losses. As another writer shared below, I believe Marin and Evan are now together. After reading how hard it was for Evan after Marin's passing, there is peace knowing they are with one another. I too lost my sister and know how hard that is. As a Christian, it's hard to understand why things happen as they do. I truly believe in God's plan for us all and He picked you to be Marin's and Evan's mother. He knew they needed you and will give you the strength that you need. I can feel the true love you have for your kids and all that you did for both of them. You are a wonderful Mom!
I have prayed for you and your family, Marin and Evan. I will keep you all in my prayers and thoughts. I live in Colorado, and I'm not sure if you are in CO or CR. If you ever need someone to talk too, I'd be honored to talk, or meet for coffee. I'm a mother of one son (22 years old) who has been through struggles as well. I also understand the closeness and support you've given Evan. I know how critical that is and I'm thankful you were there for Evan. I hope you find peace in knowing that both Marin and Evan were fortunate to have you for their Mom!
Kellie Smith Close
i am so sorry for your losses / Kenyan Hopchas (none)Read >>
i am so sorry for your losses / Kenyan Hopchas (none)
. I am so sorry for your losses. I cannot even begin to imagine what this may feel like to you and your remaining family.
I am a complete stranger from 3,000 miles alway, a private investigator, a court stenographer, and I too had a few bad times as a teen.
I truly feel that you will be fine and no matter what the reason your daughter and son were taken,they are together now in heaven.
I will pray for each of them tonight, and please accept my condolences as I too one day will have to deal with loss beyond any measure.
Angel Marin / Jody Mangue (mom)
Just yesterday, we went to see a lady here in CR who does what they call, sobada, a type of old time massage used by the farm people for what ails you. Wilson had a terrible stomach ache, his mother called to recommend this woman. I decided to go with, to see her in action. She checked him out and said yes, he had a pega, was blocked and so proceeded to do this deep, deep painful massage on both his arms and neck. Afterward, I wanted to experience this myself. I was not blocked, but my neck had many knots, she proceeded to work on those and afterward, felt a million times better. As we were leaving her house, we both noticed on her door, ANGEL MARIN, her last name. This was uncanny and too much of a coincidence, I definitely felt we were lead there by Marin, in her way. I told the woman about Marin, that I had an angel Marin, it was too much to take in. This coincidence, the explaination of who is Angel Marin, Mother's Day around the corner. God, how I miss you, Moo. Close
Another doggie / Jody Mangue (mom)
The day before, Wilson called to tell me there was a dog abandoned at the gas station, that I needed to come look. SO we did, he was a lab, looked very weak, all we know is he showed up covered with mud and was greeting all the people in lab fashion. We took him home and gave him a good bath, he has several areas on his skin that needed looking at. He is very calm, relaxed, tranquil, he has various names, Ben, Riley, Buddy, Kody. I cannot help but think that you, Moo and my mom are behind the scenes with the many animals which seem to come our direction. A number we have found homes for. This boy, we may keep, he is older and needs care, so the number of dogs now is 4. I know you both are smiling down on me in having this one here. IT would be what you both would have done, taking in another animal. Close
My birthday / Jody Mangue (mom)
Moo, as you know it is my birthday and although I am trying to make the best of it, enjoy it, there is a huge sadness that I have today, for every best wishes, I am reminded of you not being here with me, you made each and every holiday, birthday special for me. So your not being here is most noticed on days like today. I know you are with me in your way that you can be as my angel and there for so many others in your life. But know Marin, my life is not and will never be the same without you here with me. There is a huge void, separation, despair, instability within me and my world.
I wrote the two following poems, I will include here:What has my life been, it is a mystery, it is difficult, elusive, demanding, rich and impoverished, hallow and dreamy, redundant and frivolous, enchanting and predictably unpredictable. It is not what I expected, many of my wishes came true, many burned in smoke, what was most important in my life was taken away and I was given a new place to live my life. It has had to suffice, I march along to a different drummer, trying to live life fully, with honesty and inspiration, creativity. I know, often I do not stand up to the test. I go through the motions and fall flat. I apologize for that and at the same time, I apologize to no one, but to WHOM I owe my life and my Inspiration. Nothing surprises me in the same way as it once did. I can laugh, be funny, confide, be confidant. There is not one person I cannot relate to. That is the irony of my life. I have suffered, squandered and been the fool, but despite it all, I am still positive, funny, determined, relentless, outrageous and in love. Are we that different, I think not.
The other about inspiration:Where do the words and inspiration come from, I have an idea, it is a place that we can tap into when we are not trying, it cannot be harnessed or measured, it is an endless reservoir of love and inspiration, a haven which sparkles and harmonizes with the world, Nature. It is, does, rekindles a confidant melody. The shrine within us all is unbridled and fragrant, untethered. Like tossing back our heads and riding bareback on the finest steed. Our rhythm and harmony unparalleled, nothing is forced. There are more beginnings than endings, and an acceptance that everything, everyone is in their place to receive. Bounty upon bounty, fathomless existence, we find the reins and let go. Today and tomorrow,we are driving tourists and will stay at the beach, there is comfort in that. I love you, Moo. There are so many moments of each day that I am thinking of you, missing you and always loving you. Mom Close
Happy Easter, my sweet girl / Jody Mangue (mom)Read >>
Happy Easter, my sweet girl / Jody Mangue (mom)
Easter was always a great holiday for us. We did the traditional things on that day, Easter baskets, sometimes church, family dinners, dressing up and hiding eggs. One time, Marin, Evan and I went to Paramount Park and hid eggs for hours. We dyed them the day before. There is nothing like that here in Costa Rica, the holiday most celebrated is Good Friday. Today we are driving tourists, but my thoughts go to my children and our times together. It is hard to believe it has been so long ago since those days, the memories are very clear. Marin, know you are thought of, missed, loved, with each passing day, holiday. You were a gift to me, to your brother,to your dad, to your grandparents, other relatives, cousins, aunts, uncles, to your friends, your coaches, your animals. Loving you, Moo. Happy Easter, my sweet daughter. Close
First guests / Jody Mangue (mom)
Our first guests are people from Florida, a mother and daughter, thirteen named Mackenna. I find that interesting as Marin and I traveled together, the girl is getting her nails done, love dogs, horse, is a cheerleader, runs track, loves soccer. I am very aware of mother-daughter interactions, the banter, the way one knows so much about the other. We will have dinner tonight together at the house. I feel very fortunate we have this new business. Marin, you are always on my mind and I am aware you are behind the scenes. My life is dedicated to you and I carry your heart, spirit with me in all I do and witness. I love you, Moo, no matter how much time goes by. With love, Mom Close
The Month of January / Jody Mangue (mom) The month of January, it is a haunting time. The holidays end and I am reminded of how many years have gone by since you have left, Marin. 8 now on the 31st. It is hard to believe so much time has gone and yet, the reminders and memories of that time is so recent and real as if it were yesterday. This year, we are still in the middle of the construction of Casa Marin in your honor and hope to put in the gardens soon. It is taking shape and each small detail has you in mind. It is coming out beautiful as I had hoped it would and hopefully the people who come here are appreciative of what has been created out of a sacred and profound love for you. Most people may not know the story, I imagine a select few.
I have loosely left the dates open on the 24th when your accident occurred and on the 31st, hope to go somewhere alone, if at all possible. Each time I have done this, it has been a part of the journey here with you and without you. Our connection remains strong and loving. There is nothing that can truly separate our souls.
I do hope Marin that others remember you, your beauty, your smile, your laughter, your love, your humor, your friendship, your compassion, your great wisdom and understanding. I look at your friends on FB and wonder what they remember, how they think of you at times. Know some are keenly aware of you at times and miss you tremendously. Despite how many years, Marin, the missing of you is greater than ever.
Know I love you, Moo and hold you and your memories so dear. I cherish every moment we spent together. Until we see each again, God knows how much I live for that moment. All else in life pales. I live my life, appreciate the people in it, appreciate so much I have been given. But it will never be the same without you in it. I imagine most people cannot understand how that is possible, only a mother or father who has lost their child. God bless us all and give us strength and comfort for the rest of our lives. Close
The First / Jody Mangue (mom)
In the states, the first is celebrated with a meal, watching bowl games, football, staying warm, sleeping in late. There are many ways people celebrate the New Year, making resolutions and thinking of their health, relationships, making future plans. I feel the changes, have seen some already, some friendships have suddenly changed, ended. I have been conditioned to go on, do not look back, when Marin died, so much of my life ended, changed drastically, so having some of these things happen does not have the same effect. I can quickly slip aside, fall into obscruity. I can be thankful for the time we had, for the hearts shared. But I have come to appreciate and understand only too well that nothing in this life, world is permanent, people change, relationships, friendships, work, health, the gamit and none of us are immune or sometimes prepared for the abruptness of these changes and how they will impact our everyday life. I choose to appreciate what I had, I can only learn another lesson, move through regret and sorrow, but cannot dwell on what also had to be taken away. I apologize for having been so direct and open in my feelings, I do not operate like any ordinary person anymore, my ability to censor has been damaged, my view of things is askew. There is a short circuit of all my senses and I walk blindly dazed. So forgive me, help me find some innocence and compassion in the rest of this life. God bless my friends and family and give them harmony and peace. Close
Happy New Year, almost 2012 / Jody Mangue (mom)Read >>
Happy New Year, almost 2012 / Jody Mangue (mom)
Happy New Year to my darling girl. I know you are with me, your dad, your brother, your friends, keeping a watchful eye on us all. I love you, Moo as you know and each year is one year more that you are not here with us, but also we are one year closer to being with you, it is the perspective on things that matter. There is not a day, moment of each day, where I do not think of you, love you, look for you in small ways. My life is a tribute to you, this B&B also a tribute to you. I hope to see your brother in 2012 and I will probably see some of your friends, too. Know you are loved, thought of, missed and adored, Marin. My sweetest and loveliest daughter. Our bond is eternal. Say hi to Gram, mom and dad for me. Close
Another Christmas / Jody Mangue (mom)
I found this poem written in a newsletter by a woman whose son, Dave died. All I know is that she was from California, no other details. It is a poignant poem and certainly relates to any of us who have lost our children, I will add now. It was entitled First Christmas, but I changed the title to Another Christmas instead. Another Christmas
I see the countless Christmas trees Around the world below With tiny lights like Heaven’s stars, Reflecting on the snow. The sight is so spectacular, Please wipe away the tear. For I am spending Christmas with God this year. I hear the many Christmas songs That people hold so dear. But the sounds of music cannot compare with the Christmas choir up here. I have no words to tell you, The joy their voices bring. For it is beyond description, To hear the angels sing. I know how much you miss me, I can see the pain inside your heart. But I am not so far away. We aren’t apart. So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear. And be glad I’m spending Christmas with God this year. I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above, I sent you each a memory of my undying love. After all love is a Gift more precious than pure gold. It is always more important in the stories Jesus told. Please love and keep each other as my Father said to do. For I cannot count the blessing or love He has for each of you. So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear. Remember, I am spending Christmas with God this year.
Difficult/ Jody Mangue (mom)
Yesterday was a difficult day, it was preparing for a dinner party that is to take place this evening. I had a friend who offered to help me clean and we were very busy working on the house. I had various flashes of my parents' home when I had to deal with it, it was in a terrible state, both my parents were in a nursing home, not to return to their home, Marin had already died. I remember a group of people who came to clean and I tried to speak, but could not, left the house crying, that same overwhelming feeling was happening again. It was hard to keep on task with what had to be done, crying through window washing, floor cleaning. Vera was cleaning the stereo system and the CD of Mariah Carey came on, as if Marin herself had stepped in to help me, which listening to the music did. It was very soothing and I did feel her near. We listened to Mariah's music through the years. So I was thankful I could make it through the day.I could also explain to my friend when I was more composed what was going on. There are times in our lives, those of us who have lost our children, when a simple task, moment, memory becomes so overwhelming and difficult to bear. Along with the holidays, which has a mixed sentiment for the obvious reasons. Today is better. I do believe they do reach us when you are our lowest and spread their wings to provide comfort. Close
Almost Thanksgiving, 2011 / Jody Mangue (mom)Read >>
Almost Thanksgiving, 2011 / Jody Mangue (mom) Marin, it is almost Thanksgiving. The last great photo of you was taken at Thanksgiving, 2003, you were with your dad's family in front of a fireplace, your hair was perfect, you looked so beautiful, you were wearing a soft white and blue sweater, I can picture it clearly and you also had the cross I gave you. You wore that daily. Our Thanksgivings were different, you went with your dad's family often and we had our own veggie version. Christmas Eve you would spend at your dad's and be with his family and come home for Christmas, your last Christmas you got the flu suddenly, so you were with me both Christmas Eve and Day, we hung out in pajamas and you opened presents, all things you liked when we were in the mall, I went back and got. It was a great Christmas, perfect. I had no idea you would not be with us after that. So the holidays are a mixed bag and have no real meaning. This year, I am not decorating, maybe a few poinsettias, there is too much going on with the construction of Casa Marin, but feel like boycotting it, it is and will never be the same without you, Moo. I will get a few presents for kids and for the group, who are going in together for presents for underprivileged kids, but beyond that, nothing else. It just does not seem right anymore to celebrate a time when the most important person in our lives is not with us. I know you want us to be happy and I do try, but again, this time of year is really lost on me. So Moo, know you are missed, loved, thought of each and every day in so many different ways possible. Love, Mom Your brother, I hope to see soon, not sure when, but hopefully in 2012, he will be able to have his own place, have a job, life. That will be a miracle in itself. Close
Halloween/ Jody Mangue (mom)
Marin it is a day before Halloween how many Halloweens we celebrated. I have photos of you at age three in a costume with Jessica and Erica at preschool. At home in a Gumby and Cookie monster costume. Kenzie and you as princesses running through Ed's neighborhood oblivious to the cold. We loved that holiday decorated the house went to many a haunted house even in the cornfields. You were never afraid of scary movies thrived on them. As I watched two last night with Brandon I thought of our movies that we watched over the years preparing for this day. I miss those times. I miss you so very much all year long but there are certain times our times together are so missed and treasured. Know you are in the thoughts and hearts of many Moo. I love you and you are with me for all time Mom Close